This tree is old and battered. It isn’t the exact idea of vitality when one pictures a lush forest; no, this tree begs from the bushes and needs more attention than most. Over the span of my diagnosis, I have gone through seasons with this tree. I have nourished it, embraced the colors that fall from the branches, and danced with the shadows that pass at sunset. I have also sat in front of the tree and waited for it to disappear, as though there was a switch for existence and I insisted on pressing the “off” button. I ignored the tree because I did not want to accept an abnormal facet of life – I failed to recognize that a tree is a living and breathing matter, and the tree can be a holistic means for appreciating the days.
My constant companion is my chronic condition, the tethered tree in the park. There are no expectations from our relationship, only to care for one another and value the life that we bring forward. I learn placid lessons from the tree: how to brave the rain, to embrace the beauty of every natural disaster. Between the tree and myself, the disasters are simply natural diversities that we grow from. The rain nourishes our spirits, the heat brings a new bout of company to come sit beside us for shade, the winter chills leave our branches barren but exchange humid air for a breath that can only be appreciated once I close my eyes and fill my lungs with the slight tingle.
There is never a perfect season with this tree – as years pass, I become more acquainted with the knowledge that the wooden rings bring to me. I do not question why I fell short of appreciating the tree for a few winters, this tree is an eye sore at first sight. The beauty is in the branches, the bones of the tree that are rooted in my soul. Acceptance of this tree is like taking a nervous gulp that is audible for everyone. To accept the empathy of a chronic condition is wearisome because you do not want to be forgotten in the foliage. The beautiful facet of this tree is that the leaves are always changing and the colors will blend to a watercolor of compassion. The foliage floods your life with glimpses of light when you see beyond the broken branches.
Photo Credit: Chris Barbee